Top Five Movies to Avoid in 2011

Hollywood. It’s been hit and miss over the last few years and it just seems to be releasing more and more poorly thought out or underachieving movies.

In recent years, quite a few movies come to mind that definitely triggered my own gag reflex. Amongst which were titles like Max Payne, Uwe Bol’s Bloodrayne, Far Cry, and Postal, and who can of course forget the original Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat movies.

Then there were the non-game related movies, such as, Gigli (Yes you remember the box-office flop which “starred” Ben Affleck and J-Lo.), Batman & Robin (Or more aptly titled, how Batman came out of the closet.), and then of course the Scary Movie franchise and its spinoffs (Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, etc.)

Now if you’re like me, and you like watching movies in your free time, then you obviously want to watch the best possible quality movies that are out there, and sometimes you are so hyped up by the preview trailers, that these over-hyped movies don’t always deliver in the expected way. Keeping that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the potential flops of 2011 after the jump.

5. Uncharted

Uncharted - Why? Oh! Whyyyy!

For those of you unfamiliar with this franchise, where have you been? Uncharted is one of the biggest selling PlayStation games of all time. Essentially it’s an action/adventure type story which pits players in the role of Nathan Drake, a treasure hunter extraordinaire. It was recently outed that this video game would be getting a big-screen adaptation, but it has been fraught in controversy due to the choice of director and the actor who would be playing Nathan Drake. Fans the world over have been highly distraught over the decision of Mark (Marky Mark) Wahlberg to play their beloved hero. The fan favourite of course has always been Josh Wedon-darling Nathan Fillion of Firefly, Serenity, and Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog-fame. If that’s not enough it was also outed that the movie would probably have nothing at all to do with the game’s story at all. There has been no official release date been announced for this movie, but if it does come out this year and it turns out all the controversial rumours are true, then it deserves a definite miss.

Release Date: Unannounced.

4. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

Big Momma needs an extreme make-over!

Yep Martin Lawrence is back for yet another one of the Big Momma sequels, as if we haven’t had enough of this annoying series yet. This time he teams up with his nephew to go undercover at an all-girls school to uncover a murder-mystery. If it’s going to be about his nephew, why choose a title like “Like Father, Like Son”? Besides, this plot gimmick has been so overused, why would we want to see it again?

Release Date: Feb 18, Worldwide.

3. Rubber

Does that smell like burning rubber?

Do you remember a scene in the 2006 movie called Idiocracy where a bunch of people attend a movie called “Ass” where everyone just literally sits and looks at an ass for 88 minutes? Well that’s what came to mind when I saw this movie’s trailer. I’ve included it below just so you can see what it’s about, it’s the dumbest story idea I’ve EVER seen.

The plot entails an inanimate tyre which mysteriously comes to life, and discovers it has telekinetic powers, which it subsequently uses to start blowing up random objects around it with its “mind”. It eventually moves from smaller animals to human beings and well, the rest just becomes dumber and dumber.

For the trailer, and Prawn1’s “preview” about this unorthodox movie, click here.

Release date: April 1 (It wouldn’t surprise me if it didn’t hit SA theatres).

2. Gulliver’s Travels

Gullibles Travels
I’m normally a big Jack Black fan, he is an all-round funny guy, but for me some of the roles he plays just come up short of his true potential. Another one of his recent movies that flopped for me is Year One due to its absolute crass and perverted humour. Several web sites on the internet slate this latest outing for the former School of Rock star as a severe disappointment as it strays from the original beloved story too much, and tries to make up for it by relying on Black’s quirky comedic style and by applying over-the-top visual effects. Many people will disagree and say that that’s what people are looking for, a good wholesome entertaining movie, but lack of a coherent and true-to-its roots story might mean a huge disappointment for many a movie-goer.

Release Date: Now Showing.

1. Season of the Witch

Wizard of Oz Part 2
Season of the Witch is a new movie starring Nicholas Cage (Famous for Con Air, The National Treasure Series and a whole host of other Action/Adventure type movies). This latest foray is set in a fantasy world where Cage plays a character who must transport a newly convicted Witch to her final destination to be put to death, but as all movies of this type goes, something goes horribly wrong on the way. Once again several previews for this movie has slated this as a no go zone for avid movie-goers as it is a slow and arduous movie which is apparently very cheap and cheesy looking. Rotten Tomatoes even goes as far as saying “[sic] it fails even as unintentional comedy”.

Release Date: Jan 7, Worldwide.

What movies are you least excited about in 2011? Drop us a comment and tell us why you think they don’t deserve watching.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily coincide with the views of the Onelargeprawn.co.za web site or its extended staff.

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3 Responses to “Top Five Movies to Avoid in 2011”

  1. GoDsGiMp January 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    O man, so desperately unhappy about Uncharted :(

    • prawn1 January 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

      I see the Uncharted movie will be releasing in 2013 now. I’m sure Mark Wahlberg is an accomplished actor, apparently his performance in The Fighter was well received by the critics. He may be solid but I just can’t see how he can pull of the funnier side of Nathan Drake. Was he any good in The Other Guys?

      Oh, this is an interesting listen. Instead of bashing Wahlberg, G4TV editor-in-chief Adam Sessler wonders why we’re all so excited about seeing an Uncharted movie. Check out Sessler’s Soapbox.

      • NiteFenix January 19, 2011 at 12:42 pm #

        He was a whiny bitch in The Other Guys. Always getting angry and bashing things. Hardly funny at all. Personally I find his performance to be nauseating.