Onelargeprawn » Politics Smolitics

ZA NEWS: Changing The Face of South African News

prawn1 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:56:46 +0000

Popular South African cartoonist Zapiro is tired of just being in the news, and is now making the news. Debuting on October 6th and delivered exclusively on the Internet, ZA NEWS takes a satirical look at South African politics and the celebrities that make the magic happen.

The “news” segments are acted out by rubber puppets who are remarkably similar to the politicians they are parodying. Each show is around five to seven minutes long, and there is wrap-up show on Saturday. Have a look at the inaugural episode which features President Jacob Zuma, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, and always-entertaining Julius Malema, who this time can’t seem to find the word Internet in his dictionary.

Catch more of ZA NEWS at the Mail & Guardian.

According to Hayibo.com the SABC are less than thrilled about the matter as they already have a satire show that broadcasts daily, it’s called The News ;-)

SA Runner Brushes Off Gender Row, Blazes to 800m Gold Medal

prawn1 — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 09:16:48 +0000

South African runner Caster Semenya won the 800m womens final at the IAAF World Championships last night, and convincingly so. She was over two seconds clear of the next runner, and her time is the best recorded in the world so far this year. Semenya experienced some controversy three weeks ago, when the IAAF requested her to undergo a gender test. After crossing the finish line last night, her gesture seemed to indicate what she thought of the matter – she crossed her arms and wiped the dirt of her shoulders. Jay Z would have been proud.

Due to the complexity of a gender verification test, the results would not be confirmed for several weeks, consequently the IAAF could not prevent Semenya from competing in last night’s final. It is, however, understood that South Africa came under some informal pressure to consider withdrawing Semenya from the race. Thankfully they stuck to their Glocks and let her run.

Several medical practitioners with titles ending in “ist” are performing further tests on the 18-year old from Polokwane. Doctors believe she could be suffering from a genetic disorder which means she has both male and female chromosomes. No word on when the results will be made public.

Read more of the news article at the Mail Online.

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Sleeping Around is Sleeping Around

prawn1 — Thu, 21 May 2009 11:58:28 +0000

Politics requires some higher brain functions and a relatively good grasp of the English language. Some people would say this person has much of these qualities as a paraplegic has use of their legs.

Listen as Floyd Shivambu, spokesperson for the ANC Youth League tries to explain his concept of sleeping around to 702 Talk Radio DJ, Redi Direko.

Lol. Pwned! Read the full transcript at Blatant.co.za.

[Thanks Lucy | Colourful word graphic by Wordle]

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Our Dumb World

Lucy Furr — Wed, 20 May 2009 11:13:55 +0000

Mostly the peeps over at The Onion have the same dark, cynical, and often down right depressing view of our world that I do. Although sometimes, even I, the devil’s handmaiden find their stories a little too on the bitter side and they remind me of that awful stuff my gran used to put on my nails to stop me biting them when I was little.

Yesterday however I found their amusing Our Dumb World Atlas of the Planet Earth, and it rocks. They’ve added their Our Dumb World layer to Google Earth. It features little onion icons, that when clicked on, pop up country profiles and other interesting cultural, political and historical facts. Well I don’t know if I should actually call them facts, as most of them are made up – anyway they’re funny go check it out.

Top 10 Comebacks of all Time

prawn1 — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:47:55 +0000

I am the comeback king. I lie, I’m completely rubbish. Upon being insulted my modus operandi usually involves a terse “You suck donkey balls” followed by a tight pirouette and quick sprint in the opposite direction. My sense of fight vs flight is highly tuned ;-)

Other people have settled conflicts with a retort so stabbing there is no recovery; their arguers lose face and must retreat wondering why the fuck they didn’t think of it first. One such person is the ever lovable Winston Churchill and these are some of his comebacks.

Nancy and the Poisoned Coffee

Nancy Astor, an American socialite who married into the wealthy English family of Astor, was invited to a dinner party on the Churchill estate. She became extremely annoyed at the drunk Churchill and said, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” To which Churchill merely replied:

Nancy, if you were my wife I’d drink it.

Let Sleeping Dragons lie

Churchill was listening to a long-winded speech by one of his opponents and after 30 minutes, he slumped into his seat and closed his eyes. His opponent noticed and shouted, “Must you fall asleep when I am speaking?”. Without even opening his eyes, Churchill quipped:

No, it’s purely voluntary.

The Ugly Truth

Churchill was intoxicated at party in London, and when another irritated lady yelled at him, “Winston, you’re drunk!” his retorted with this:

You’re right Bessie, and you’re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I’ll be sober.

Winston Churchill’s witty comebacks are included in the top 10 comebacks of all time – see the full list at TopTenz.net. If you’ve made a memorable comeback, drop us a comment.

Blu-ray Review: Weeds Season One

Jacob Zuma Voted Sexiest Politician

prawn1 — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:53:57 +0000

This firmly goes in the “things you wish weren’t true but are” section. After almost winning the presidential horse, ANC president Jacob Zuma finally got to add a gold trophy to his mantelpiece when he was voted South Africa’s sexiest politician in a snap survey. Apparently Zuma’s theme tune “Awuleth’ uMshini wam’” figuratively adds several inches to his already impressive unmentionables.

I know what you’re thinking, we here also suspect that there was a typo in the survey and he came out tops for South Africa’s most sexist politician.

Cope leader Mosiuoa Lekota placed second in the sexiest politician poll, with former president Thabo Mbeki in third place. ANC youth leader Julius Malema was a winner too, rightfully claiming top spot for being the least sexy South African in politics.

Read the full article at the Cape Argus.

ANC vs ID catfight

Lucy Furr — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 07:20:51 +0000

It’s a jungle out there peeps! Yesterday Prawn posted a hilarious sound bite thingy that compared the South African Presidential race to a horse race. Well this morning I saw something almost as funny on News24.com. Apparently an ANC official from Warmsand, which lies somewhere between the middle of nowhere and the back of beyond, savaged the ear of an ID supporter. Both the ANC official and the ID supporter are women. The election violence has started and it’s with a political catfight! Oh yes Oh yay South African politics are just brilliant this year – they’re a laugh a minute.

You can read the whole story here.

What if Bloggers Designed Election Posters?

prawn1 — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 18:59:46 +0000

So I was thinking (bear with me, this doesn’t happen often): if blogs were to become political parties and vie for seats in the upcoming South African elections, what would their election posters look like?

You’ve no doubt seen the myriad of election posters strapped to practically every light pole in your town; some of them have even been given the subversive treatment. I’m tempted to vote for the party with whose poster is right at the top of the pole – they obviously have the best ladders ;)

So the question: if bloggers were to design an election poster for their blog/party, what would it look like, and what kind of message would it convey? I got cracking on this and based on our manifesto “The only thing criminal about us is our sense of humour”, I proudly present to you the OneLargeParty election poster. Click to embiggen.

What do you think?

If any of you local bloggers have created election posters for yourselves, do let us know and we’ll put them up here.

No Love For The ANC

South African Politics: It’s a Horse Race

prawn1 — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:21:30 +0000

This little audio clip got sent to us via email. It’s about South African politics as a horse race, more specifically, the R500 million Presidential Horse Race due to be run soon. Some of the top contenders are Wet Blanket ridden by Kgalema Motlanthe, Corruption ridden by in-form jockey Jacob “Shower Power” Zuma, and a surprise entrant, Genocide ridden by Robert Mugabe.

Who’s going to win? Find out below or download the MP3 file (2.8 MB) from here.

[Thanks Boo]

Onitsuka Tiger: The Zodiac Race

M&G Poll Predictor

Vicky Plum — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:06:53 +0000

This is the new cool toy from the M&G Online – take a quiz and the M&G will tell you which party to vote for.

It isn’t all that accurate because the questions aren’t weighted, but it’s fun, and will give you a general idea of how well a party’s policy aligns with your beliefs.

Editors note: Go to the vote predictor or click here.

Me old China – again

Lucy Furr — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:12:17 +0000

I just couldn’t resist but I promise that this is my last China Bashing post for the week day. This pic looks suspiciously like it was taken near Victoria Falls on the Zimbabwean side. If it was, I’d hate to see the next pic in the series because g-d knows what would have happened to the poor woman – almost everything available in Zimbabwe now comes from China (via South Africa mostly).

For more sort of like this visit Superpoop.

Is ignorance our master?

Lucy Furr — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 09:39:18 +0000

I don’t know about you dear Readers, but I’m not feeling particularly proud of the beloved country this week. I mean we have friends and relatives fleeing the country left right and centre for the “greener” pastures of Europe and the Antipodes, but we decided that we actually like it here, and we’re going to stay. For the past few mornings however, I’ve felt like leaving the house with a paper bag on my nationality.

I know that the Dalai Lama says to be kind whenever possible, but I just cannot be kind in my mind when I think about the fact that nasty neighbour (and mass murdered) Bob Mugabe is permitted to come and go in South Africa as he pleases, while one of the world’s most respected spiritual leaders (a darling peaceful little old man with spectacles, yellow robes, and a Nobel Peace Prize) the Dalai Lama is denied a visa. And it’s all for the love of China (well trade with China really). Yes, China. The same China that is responsible for huge job losses in South Africa, particularly in the textile industry. The same China that annexed Tibet, exiled the Dalai Lama, and built casinos and supermarkets on ancient sacred ground. The same China that continues to violate human rights, and environmental laws on a daily basis. It’s just great. And did you know that there are only two countries in the whole world into which the Dalai Lama is denied entry? Yup you guessed it – China and South Africa.

I won’t lie to you, I’m starting to feel a little afraid about this whole China and South Africa against the rest of the world thing. There’s an old Croatian saying that goes something like “if you lie down with a dragon, you’ll wake up with third degree burns all over your body and face, and your nylon underwear will be welded to your bum forever”. I just hope our respected leaders know what they’re up to. Anyway this rant of mine has gotten a little long, and depressing, so if you want a lighter version of the story, check out this gem on the brilliant hayibo.com.

And to read more about the man whose religion is kindness, click here.

Helping Master Photographers

No Love For The ANC

prawn1 — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 07:35:21 +0000

Spotted on the streets of Cape Town, and ANC election poster gets the subversive treatment. We’re pretty UPSET about this – upset that we didn’t think of it first!

Death to All Juice

prawn1 — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 11:47:03 +0000

Some comments from Reddit:

I have eliminated all the juice.
The final solution, from concentrate.
Acidic juice are the worst.
Even bum juice?
I hate soupremacists.

- thanks AmyH!

The Ominous Death of Mr. Peanut

Shoo Bru

Lucy Furr — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:35:30 +0000

As you may have noticed Dear Reader, I am a great fan of satire, sarcasm, irony and all things dark and dangerous. Anyway the fabulous Zahidah (maker of superb pies and samoosas) pointed me in the direction of a very lekker local site that is jam packed with lovely juicy satire and sarcasm. Here’s a tasty tit bit:

After 15 years ANC thinkers make incompetence breakthrough
PRETORIA. After fifteen years in power the ANC has for the first time threatened to sack non-performing ministers, saying that the groundbreaking concept to stop rewarding incompetence went against everything the new South Africa stood for but was necessary if the ruling party was going to carry out effective purges inside its organization.

Speaking to journalists this morning ANC spokesman Yesman Mxenge said that the new concept, called “accountability”, had sowed panic and confusion among ANC backbenchers.

“The problem is that it’s a very high-end concept,” said Mxenge. “I’m not sure I understand it myself.

“In a nutshell, it’s basically that if you don’t do the job you’re being paid half a million a year to do, you don’t get fired.

“Wait, no, you do get fired. That’s the part that keeps tripping us up.”

For more full flavour fun and delicious belly laughs visit Hayibo. Oh and their polls are awesome too!

Superpoop