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Now That’s a Badass Tombstone!

Robert Clay Allison born on September 2, 1840 in Waynesboro, Tennessee, was a no-nonsense kill-you-dead kind of guy. During the U.S. Civil War, the clubfooted Allison was discharged from the Light Artillery division for violent and psychotic behavior and re-enlisted as a spy for the 9th Tennessee Calvary. This didn’t pan out so well as he got accused of being a spy and was due to be executed, but the quick-thinking man murdered his guard and escaped to freedom.

clay_allison_portraitAfter a short stint in the barrel-of-laughs hate group the Klu Klux Klan (KKK), Allison moved to Texas but during the trip he put the beatdown on a ferryman for overcharging him to cross the river. He also had a hand in decapitating a suspected killer and placing his head on a pole for all to see.

Now to his man’s crowning glory – in 1887, Allison was tracked down by gunman Chunk Colbert who wanted to avenge the maltreatment of uncle – the ferryman. A duel was set, but first, it was the complimentary dinner! After a hearty grub, pistols were fired and Colbert dropped dead. When asked why he first ate with the man who wanted to kill him, Allison reportedly said:

I didn’t want to send him to hell on an empty stomach.

clay_allison_age_45After further altercations with Mexicans (they died), a sheriff (he died), legendary lawman Wyatt Earp (verbal dispute, no guns), and a dentist (his teeth got pulled), this vicious killer died not in a blaze of glory or by the hangman’s noose, but a common ranching accident. In 1887, at age of 47, Allison died cheaply when he fell from a wagon and had his neck crushed by the heavy wagon wheels. At least he had an awesome tombstone:

HE NEVER KILLED A MAN THAN DID NOT NEED KILLING

More about Clay Allison at Legends of America. [via Buzzfeed]

Empire: Naval Artwork by Rado Javor

Slovakian digital painter Rado Javor loves moments and scenes from the past. And in his extraordinary artwork for the game Empire: Total War he almost takes you back to see the world as it was in those times. He creates these striking images with his Wacom tablet and Photoshop. Check it out.

More of Javor’s work at DeviantART. [via Design Your Way]

Facebook Boob Fondler Busted!

The Sun reports that as useful as Facebook may be, it can also bit you on the ass and a dumbass philanderer Antonio M. felt the pain as his fiancee uncovered a photo of him nestled between the naked breasts of another woman! To make it worse, the fiancee named only as Valeria A found the incriminating photo on Antonio’s Facebook profile just a few days before the intended wedding. Justifiably upset, Valeria printed and stuck up hundreds of posters around the area of the city where Antonio and their friends work. Her message to him reads:

Thank goodness there’s Facebook! At least I’ve discovered you’re a traitor pig before the wedding! Signed, your former betrothed bride and the 548 guests of our wedding.

I’m sure Antonio had a perfectly valid reason for that shit-eating grin but the boobies are a tad difficult to explain –  those mammaries could have belonged to his sister and he was inspecting them for lumps; perhaps it could have been a badly exposed self-portrait; an art class project maybe. If you have any plausible excuses, drop us a comment and let us know.

Texts from Last Night

I don’t know about you but I’ve never sent a drunken text message. I know this because most times I don’t even remember having a cellphone, and if I do, odds are I’ve left it at home. But I can imagine that for a number of people waking up from a debaucherous night out, the messages on their cellphones would be a good place to piece together what the hell they did (or who they did) the night before.

Texts From Last Night (TFLN) was founded in Feb ’09 to collect the comedic, embarrassing, and illogical drunken text messages for the whole world to enjoy. Here are some of my picks:

(512): I pooped in a mop bucket.
(1-512): WTF???
(512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

(410): That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
(301): Dude it was a lap dance

(913): very cute, but more “I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet” and less “please bang me” type of cute.

(513): someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
(330): I’ll alert the authorities

(480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

(317): Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.

(508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
(978): I guess I misjudged your gender.

(310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

(859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
(1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me.

(949): With my blond hair and big tits getting ass is like fishing in a bathtub

See more at TFLN [via Trend Hunter]

Tube Light Fighting, a Japanese Blood Sport

Our slitty-eyed friends in the far east never cease to amaze me. From Japan comes what could possibly be the bloodiest (and dumbest) sport in history. Two rotund gentlemen batter each other with fluorescent tube lights until there is a winner. Check out some pics of this brutal blood sport.

It’s like fighting with reject light sabers minus the needless decapitation.

[via Oddity Central]

Mid-Week Time Waster: RotatSpin

The Evil Crab Lord has stolen your hat and you must get it back from the thieving bastard. This is the plot behind the endearing, frustrating, confusing, and compelling skill game RotatSpin.

You need to get your pixelated man to the end of each level pressing forward to run faster or backwards to slow down and hitting the spacebar to jump. You’ll explode if you hit any obstacles and touching the spinning things rotates the camera randomly. From the precision-timed jumps to the mind-hurting angles, you’ll need quick reflexes and some lateral thinking to get through the levels. You have an unlimited amount of lives and you’ll certainly need them.

I haven’t sworn this much since the time I lip-synced to Slim Shady records back in the day. I got to level 22 and called it quits, fucking thing. Drop us a comment and let us know how you got along.

Play RotatSpin at Armor Games. [via Indie Games]

The Pigs Strike Back, Swine Flu on The Loose

If pigs belonged to a shadowy brotherhood, they’d be laughing their trotters off right now. We live in very interesting times with marvels in science and technology happening every day. And now you can add to that list a never-before-seen mixture of viruses from swine, birds, and humans.

Swine flu is a respiratory disease, caused by influenza type A which typically infects pigs. It hasn’t normally infected humans, but the latest form can spread from person to person, and with that the potential to spark a global pandemic.

The new strain has killed up to 149 people in Mexico, infected 50 in the United States, six in Canada, two each in Spain and Scotland, with New Zealand and Israel confirming cases of swine flu today. As a result the World Health Organization has raised its alert level to phase 4, indicating the virus is becoming increasingly adept at spreading among humans. Phase 6 is the highest alert level where the virus spreads to another country in a different region and the global pandemic is under way.

Keep up-to-date with Reuters’ global coverage of the swine flu.

Paint Swatches Make Great Wallpaper

In these dark economic days one has to save wherever possible, and to beat the credit crunch this creative person has ransacked a local hardware shop of those free paint swatches and stuck them up on their wall. It adds a brilliant splash of colour to the wall and no cost at all (especially true if you raid the company stationary cupboard for glue sticks).

It’s a genius idea don’t you think? I’d be tempted to do the same but I keep getting followed around our DIY shop by the security guards, hence making the mass-stealing of swatches nigh impossible. It’s my beard, it freaks them the fuck out.

[via Trend Hunter]

Play Shaper

Here’s a cool little time waster to get this short week off to a unproductive start. In Shaper, you need to connect various oddly shaped objects together to build a chain from the start dot to the finish dot and avoid any obstacles in your way.

Use the mouse to drag and drop the objects and the left and right arrow keys to rotate them. There are 25 levels.

Play Shaper at Armor Games. If the game fails to load, try Game Gum.

Heineken’s Walk-in-Fridge Commercial

In this funny little ad for Heineken, a woman is taking her girlfriends on a tour of her new home, and shows off her fancy walk-in wardrobe. The girls erupt in joyous screams but are overshadowed the screams of glee from the men. Check it out.

And here’s a great spoof by Bavaria on Heineken’s Walk-in-Fridge commercial.

God bless competitive advertising which one did you like best? Drop us a comment.