Robert Clay Allison born on September 2, 1840 in Waynesboro, Tennessee, was a no-nonsense kill-you-dead kind of guy. During the U.S. Civil War, the clubfooted Allison was discharged from the Light Artillery division for violent and psychotic behavior and re-enlisted as a spy for the 9th Tennessee Calvary. This didn’t pan out so well as he got accused of being a spy and was due to be executed, but the quick-thinking man murdered his guard and escaped to freedom.
After a short stint in the barrel-of-laughs hate group the Klu Klux Klan (KKK), Allison moved to Texas but during the trip he put the beatdown on a ferryman for overcharging him to cross the river. He also had a hand in decapitating a suspected killer and placing his head on a pole for all to see.
Now to his man’s crowning glory – in 1887, Allison was tracked down by gunman Chunk Colbert who wanted to avenge the maltreatment of uncle – the ferryman. A duel was set, but first, it was the complimentary dinner! After a hearty grub, pistols were fired and Colbert dropped dead. When asked why he first ate with the man who wanted to kill him, Allison reportedly said:
I didn’t want to send him to hell on an empty stomach.
After further altercations with Mexicans (they died), a sheriff (he died), legendary lawman Wyatt Earp (verbal dispute, no guns), and a dentist (his teeth got pulled), this vicious killer died not in a blaze of glory or by the hangman’s noose, but a common ranching accident. In 1887, at age of 47, Allison died cheaply when he fell from a wagon and had his neck crushed by the heavy wagon wheels. At least he had an awesome tombstone:
HE NEVER KILLED A MAN THAN DID NOT NEED KILLING