Cautionary Tales Entertainment Video Clips

Deadpan Comedian: Memorable Jimmy Carr Quotes

A comedic hero of our times, Jimmy Carr is the veritable king of tasteless one-liners. Here are are some of them:

  • My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said “Alright, fatty.”
  • I’m not being condescending, I’m too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn’t understand.
  • I did a gig in the US once for the homeless. I said “It’s nice to see so many bums on seats”.
  • See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Rohypnol(TM).
  • Throwing acid is wrong, in some people’s eyes.
  • When someone close to you dies, move seats.
  • Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
  • The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
  • My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
  • A big girl once came up to me after a show and said “I think you’re fatist.” I said “No, no. I think you’re fattest.”

And here’s a clip of Carr at the Royal Variety Stand Up Act in 2008.

Find more memorable Jimmy Carr quotes at He Wants Revenge.