When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, I will be prepared. You should be too, my friend Stephen is an expert in these things having watched every zombie flick ever made and he reckons it’s definitely coming. I believe him, although he also told me there’s no such thing as a left and a right sock… That aside we should all be prepared. Personally I keep all my gardening implements sharp and close to hand, I also have a supply of canned beans. But for most of you, huddling in a basement clutching a sharpened spade and eating baked beans isn’t the definition of surviving. It’s a confined space after all with very little air… my digestion is sensitive to beans ok, lay-off already.
So I put together a handy list of places you might try to get to in order to survive the mindless brain-feasting hordes. Grab a Urban Bone Machete Mark II from Zombie Tools and hit the jump to head to The Winchester one of my recommended safe spots.
5. The Vaal Dam
While the Vaal Dam is mostly only good for noisy jet skis, quad biking, and other peace-destroying activities, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse it’s a good hideout. It’s close enough to built-up areas to get to fast and for future foraging missions and most importantly it’s made of water. Little known fact, Zombies can’t swim. They can however walk on the bottom, so be sure to park your commandeered yacht in deeper water.
4. Table Mountain
The mother city with its large population is probably going to be hard hit and not a good place to stay. But if you are stuck for choice, turn to the mountain and she shall provide. Whilst it’s a large area and difficult to protect, there is plenty of food to be had and ravines and rocky outcroppings to use to your Zombie killing advantage.
Don’t argue with me on this one. I know I said ‘IN’ South Africa and Lesotho is totally within our borders. Plus it’s sparsely populated and best of all it’s cold. Zombies really don’t like cold since it slows them down or even freezes them solid. If they are anything like the Nazi Zombies in Dead Snow you’re pretty buggered regardless of where you hide!
Surrounded by water and with a large population of rabbits for food, it’s pretty much perfect. Let’s just hope they find a cure in the next 27 years.
1. Kruger National Park
Look I know some of you may not agree with me but hear me out first before you shake your head claiming superior Zombie killing knowledge. At first I thought Robben Island would be my first choice until I remembered that Zombies can walk under water all the way from shopping in the Waterfront and suddenly your peaceful rabbit-munching is interrupted by dripping wet shark-bitten Zombies. The Kruger has the advantage because it comes parceled with natures very own Zombie bouncers. Presuming the Zombie virus is species-dependent, a slow moving Zombie makes an appetizing meal for most big cats.
So you can rely on Zombie munching critters to keep you safe and they never run out of ammo. And if you don’t think that’s convincing enough, just look at this picture.
That’s a leopard killing and eating a crocodile. A Zombie is putty compared to a crocodile, I rest my case. Bring on the Apocalypse.