Because of the slight lack of originality in this game, we’ve decided to inject some originality into the review. So this review will be in the form of an epic poem. The full, poetic review after the break.
Blood Stone, with double-oh-seven
Might seem like it came straight from heaven;
The voice-acting’s sweet,
The weapons are neat,
And the ‘splosions are cranked to eleven.
It seems an idea really groovy
(But might have been made on LSD)
To make James Bond a game,
At least, that was their aim,
But it’s just an in-ter-active movie.
The intro is truly the best
It looks like a true Bond film-fest
The Joss Stone song is great,
And we really do hate
That not all of this game is so blessed.
The voice acting’s really top rated
This cannot be too understated.
Daniel Craig and Joss Stone
(And it’s not them alone)
Made sure none of the voice-acting grated.
There are tons of exotic locations
With many nefarious operations
The kills are quite samey
The takedowns are lamey
As Bond performs hospit’lizations.
The game’s got some fun car-chase scenes
And some really great licensed machines
And while you are driving
Explosions are flying
And blowing things to smithereens.
Bond’s smartphone, to help navigation
Has really too much information
James can see, off the bat
Where his enemies at;
It clearly isn’t for communication.
Enemies aren’t really varied
The wisdom of this I have queried.
Line them up with your gun,
Shoot them down one by one,
Until they are all dead and buried.
You can wait till your foe sneaks up close
And him with a take-down dispose
Beat him up with your fists
Till the baddie desists
Then back into cover Bond goes.
The game’s not into exploration
But much rather assassination
With lots of car racing
(And some problem pacing)
And the occasional sexual relation.
My biggest complaint’s to be seen:
The developers really are mean.
Boss battles and such?
That’s right, no so much.
They put all of it in a cut-scene!
In short, this is double-oh-snore
James Bond has a license to bore
A forgettable game
And that’s really a shame
Cos it could have been so, so much more.