Game Reviews

We Review: Gran Turismo 5

I’d like to start by clearing two things up. The first is a reiteration, whilst I am a gamer and have always played games on a pc, console gaming is new to me (you could call me a console noob, but I like to say I have a ‘fresh’ approach.) The second is that I have never played a ‘Gran Turismo’ game ever. I once played an epic multiplayer session of ‘Burnout 3: Takedown’ but all we did was see how much stuff we could blow up and before that I played much ‘Carmageddon’ and racing was never on the agenda, what with all those zombies to mow down. Also you should know I’m not a big car person, cars are transportation and any more than that is excess as far as I’m concerned.

So now you know my GT status, shock horror, a virgin. I feel it’s important to let you know right off the bat, because as I discovered, driving game enthusiasts are ferociously enthusiastic. When the latest installment of their choice enters the market they react like small girls given a puppy and an espresso. And then the puppy shits on their shoes and the espresso goes to their head and they start to scream, complaining about the smallest little things. With no preconceived notions of what a Gran Turismo game ‘should’ be like or indeed what a ‘Driving Simulator’ ‘should’ be like, this might just be the review for you, at least if you’re anything like me. But if you believe Polyphony should have rendered the Ferrari F500 000’s front bumper better… perhaps you should go elsewhere.

Gran Turismo 5 Review

Tyrannical Duck the fiendish water bird recently reviewed James Bond 007: Blood Stone in the form of an epic poem, Beowulf style. Unfortunately my attempts at poetry usually end at ‘roses are red’, and then I get fed up because I’m quite certain roses come in a variety of colours and ‘roses are multicoloured’ is more difficult to rhyme. So instead let me take you on a short drive with GT5 after the jump.

Cartoons & Comics Inspirational Designs Useful/Useless Info

Vintage Travel Posters for Comic Book Cities

Are you looking to travel somewhere different this holiday season? Tired of the mundane island paradise, bored of African safaris and weary of European coffee shops? Why not walk the streets of Gotham City, safe in the knowledge that batman is keeping watch! Why not visit Metropolis or keep an eye open for Spiderman in New York. Travel to any one of these amazing cities and we guarantee you will see your favourite super hero in action, even if we have to stage a bank break in. See all our exciting destinations after the jump.

Arty Awesomeness

Sensational Selection of Steampunk Superheroes

First things first, what is steampunk?

Steampunk is a sub-genre of science fiction and speculative fiction, frequently featuring elements of fantasy, that came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s.

Simple enough but add super heroes to that mix along with some talented artists and you get a selection of awesome stuff. Check out some great examples sourced from around the web after the jump.

Awesomeness Mindlessness Useful/Useless Info

5 Unordinary Superpowers I Wish I Had

Invincibility, invisibility, super strength, laser shooting eyes, adamantium skeletons… all so passé, so ordinary, why would I want one of these? I tend to think outside of the box, outside of Stan Lee’s imaginings, which is why when I think of having a super power I leave the usual suspects out of it. One day with the help of science, radiation, the sun’s rays, a meteor shower or the bite of a genetically manipulated bug I hope to have one of these unordinary superpowers. Find out what they are after the jump.

Featured Game Reviews

We Review: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II

Let’s begin with a simple question, your answer will determine whether you will enjoy this game or not. What colour is Darth Vader’s lightsaber?

Is it…

  1. Blue
  2. Red
  3. Can we start hacking people up with it yet
  4. Meh… who cares

If you answered blue, you might be confused. Anakin Skywalker used a blue lightsaber and when he is turned to the dark side gives it up for a red saber, the colour favoured by Sith Lords. I knew I was going to have trouble liking this game about two minutes in when, in a stunning consistency error, a ‘memory segment’ shows Vader stabbing our hero with a… blue lightsaber. Shudder! How can a company that only works on Star Wars games commit such an obvious error? Well once you have played the game from start to finish you may have your answer. To my mind this game lacked polish, and whilst enjoyable it needed refinement. Maybe they rushed it out? Who knows, but let’s be honest this is a mediocre game. I’ll tell you why I think that, after the jump.

Star Wars The Force Unleashed II

Featured Useful/Useless Info

Top 5 Places in SA to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, I will be prepared. You should be too, my friend Stephen is an expert in these things having watched every zombie flick ever made and he reckons it’s definitely coming. I believe him, although he also told me there’s no such thing as a left and a right sock… That aside we should all be prepared. Personally I keep all my gardening implements sharp and close to hand, I also have a supply of canned beans. But for most of you, huddling in a basement clutching a sharpened spade and eating baked beans isn’t the definition of surviving. It’s a confined space after all with very little air… my digestion is sensitive to beans ok, lay-off already.

So I put together a handy list of places you might try to get to in order to survive the mindless brain-feasting hordes. Grab a Urban Bone Machete Mark II from Zombie Tools and hit the jump to head to The Winchester one of my recommended safe spots.

Awesomeness Cartoons & Comics

Philosoraptor – The Philosophy of a Reptile Mind

Perhaps I’m the only one, but whenever I hear anyone say the words ‘Clever Girl’ while talking to their dog, girlfriend or colleague, I’m immediately reminded of one of my favourite scenes from a movie. Maybe I’m not the only one and you already know which scene and which movie I’m talking about?

Come on… it’s one of the highest grossing films of all time and was groundbreaking in it’s day, you have watched it!.. Still nothing… Alright fine, final clue is an image, maybe the left side of your brain is more active than the rest.

Clever Girl

There you go, the movie was Jurassic Park and the dude with the shotgun and the sweet hat (Robert Muldoon) gets eaten by a raptor because as he so rightly puts it, raptors are clever. Which is why I have such a soft spot for Philosoraptor. Philsoraptor asks the questions that we want answered, the questions we may never know the answer to. Check out a selection of his finest after the jump.

Featured Gaming News

Tales of a Console Newbie

I’m a gamer, always have been, probably always will be. I’m proud of it. However for many years my gaming has been purely PC-based. There are many reasons for this. The first and most significant is that I just could never see the value in a machine purely for games; my PC is my workhorse and its fancy graphics card delivers better gaming quality than I have ever seen on a console. So I get the best of both worlds. Besides no console gamer can ever tell me first person shooters are better on a console… they would be lying. This is a fact.

This is the story of how I finally caved and bought a console. The full tale is after the jump.