Cracked.com reports on the 5 individuals not content with just leaving their names in the footnotes of history.
Chrysippus: Death By Performing Donkey
Chrysippus (280 – 207 BC), renowned philosopher and party fiend, was boozing it up with his donkey (name still unkown) when the animal tried to eat some figs. The donkey’s attempt were so funny that Chrysippus laughed so hard, keeled over, and died.
President Félix Faure: Death by Bow-chicka-bow-wow
On February 16, 1899 French president Félix Faure made a booty call in his own office with a gold-digger named Marguerite Steinheil. Story has it that Faure has fatal stroke right in the middle of orgasm. At least he died happy.
Aeschylus: Bludgeoned With a Turtle
Sicilian eagles love turtles and have a cunning way of getting past the hard shells of their prey. The eagles lift turtles up to great heights, and then drop them on rocks to crack them open.
Aeschylus, widely regarded to be the founder of Greek tragedy, was loitering around one day when an eagle mistook his bald head for a rock, and proceed to drop it’s catch onto his head. Aeschylus died but the turtle survived.
Arius: Death by Expoding Bowel
Arius one of the most prominent heretics of early Christianity, and someone obviously wan’t happy about him suggesting that there might have been a time when Christ hadn’t existed.
This is what one of this political opponents said:
“A faintness came over him, and together with the evacuations his bowels protruded, followed by a copious hemorrhage, and the descent of the smaller intestines: moreover portions of his spleen and liver were brought off in the effusion of blood, so that he almost immediately died.”
Herod the Great: Gangrene of the Genitalia
Herod the Great, king of Judaea, was responsible for the Massacre of the Innocents. God tends to frown upon acts involving the senseless murder of babies and thus imbued unto Herod what is known today as Fournier gangrene – a horrendous necrotizing infection of the genitalia.
Read the full article at cracked.com.