Game Reviews

We Review: Gran Turismo 5

I’d like to start by clearing two things up. The first is a reiteration, whilst I am a gamer and have always played games on a pc, console gaming is new to me (you could call me a console noob, but I like to say I have a ‘fresh’ approach.) The second is that I have never played a ‘Gran Turismo’ game ever. I once played an epic multiplayer session of ‘Burnout 3: Takedown’ but all we did was see how much stuff we could blow up and before that I played much ‘Carmageddon’ and racing was never on the agenda, what with all those zombies to mow down. Also you should know I’m not a big car person, cars are transportation and any more than that is excess as far as I’m concerned.

So now you know my GT status, shock horror, a virgin. I feel it’s important to let you know right off the bat, because as I discovered, driving game enthusiasts are ferociously enthusiastic. When the latest installment of their choice enters the market they react like small girls given a puppy and an espresso. And then the puppy shits on their shoes and the espresso goes to their head and they start to scream, complaining about the smallest little things. With no preconceived notions of what a Gran Turismo game ‘should’ be like or indeed what a ‘Driving Simulator’ ‘should’ be like, this might just be the review for you, at least if you’re anything like me. But if you believe Polyphony should have rendered the Ferrari F500 000’s front bumper better… perhaps you should go elsewhere.

Gran Turismo 5 Review

Tyrannical Duck the fiendish water bird recently reviewed James Bond 007: Blood Stone in the form of an epic poem, Beowulf style. Unfortunately my attempts at poetry usually end at ‘roses are red’, and then I get fed up because I’m quite certain roses come in a variety of colours and ‘roses are multicoloured’ is more difficult to rhyme. So instead let me take you on a short drive with GT5 after the jump.