You know how it is. There are just some days where you feel conspicuous because everyone is walking around with their hamsters properly deflated, and yours is still fully inflated and by this point, you’re too afraid to ask how to deflate it properly. And that’s not mentioning just how unsafe it all is. You COULD use one of the unorthodox methods, but then you’ve got an unhappy hamster and you’re also having to sweep out the dead bees and shoo away the monkey mariachi band. If only there was some simple way to do this! Well, there is! And this tutorial will show you how! After the jump.
I liken my pee to the nectar of the gods. As such I’ve never bothered to pimp it out in any form or another. Until now.
By ingesting an amount of a chemical called Methylene Blue (a dark green powder at room temperature) you can be pissing blue in as little as two hours. Apparently the powder tastes like I feel every working day — bitter — so mix it into your favourite food.
WARNING: The guide contains instructions to eat things which are not sold for human consumption. Make sure you know the risks and try not to die in the process. If you manage to pee blue please don’t send us images of you draining your snake. That’s just nasty. Ladies this goes for you too.
I can dance pretty well for a brown man, but when I’m drunk severe lack of judgment leads me to think I’m Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever. I’ve fallen from tables, bottle have been shattered under my feet, and left the ladies utterly horrified impressed. The next morning was met with pains in my legs, back, and sometimes my manhood.
Suffice to say, in order to minimize any collateral damage that may result from your drunken dancing, the good people at Slosh Spot have put together a brief guide with some of the most common maneuvers, how to use them, and when to use them.
Instructions: Lay on stomach. Flail legs up and down, while moving your torso forward with your hands. This resembles a worm trying to move forward.
The worm takes more commitment than any other regulation dance out there. It also requires the performer to lie down on the dance floor. This shows a dedication to one’s craft, but also may end up completely ruining one’s clothes. Please use this maneuver with discretion, and watch for any broken glass. If you are able to do this dance well, there’s a good chance that after you’re done a crowd of your peers will raise you above their shoulders and declare you the best dancer in the club.
Milking the Cow
Instructions: Raise and extend arms at shoulder level, then put your hands up to create a 90-degree at your elbows. Rhythmically pantomime the milking of a cow above your head. Get into the beat with your legs, and don’t be afraid to bob your head and accentuate with your shoulders to get this all to make sense.
A general rule of thumb is that no heterosexual man should ever dance with both his hands above his head, but this dance is currently the only known exception. Think of this dance as a last resort, because there is virtually no sex appeal. You may get some people laugh at what you are doing, or maybe even solicit some positive attention due to the fact that you simply do not give a fuck.
See more of the guide to dancing under the influence at Slosh Spot.