As history tells us, four small turtles came into contact with a green radioactive goo and got turned into totally tubular, human-sized crime fighters. Named after four Renaissance artists, our heroes in the half shell cracked wise, gorged on pizza, and dropped catchphrases like “Cowabunga!” and “Turtle Power!”

For science, ADHD over on YouTube created an opening sequence that reveals what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would look if they were real. Salmonella and giant penises are abound in this most amusing spoof. Check out Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles below.

[via @JoeyHiFi]